As “Auld Lang Syne” drifts into the distance and we greet a new year, many families look forward to the events and activities to come in 2024. But starting a new calendar year for military families might lead to less joyous anticipation and more trepidation as they contemplate future deployments.
Of the country’s 1.3 million active-duty military, about 13 percent—or nearly 172,000 troops—were deployed abroad in 2022. These service members are stationed in 178 countries, with the largest presence in Japan, Germany and South Korea. As recently as October 2023, 900 additional troops were deployed to stations in the Middle East, including Turkey, Kuwait and Saudi Arabia.
The possibility of facing a new year without the presence and support of a spouse or partner can be difficult. It is a stressful and emotional time for military families.
We’re sharing common signs of the emotional impact deployment can have on military families and ways that you can cope while your spouse or partner is overseas.
The emotional impact of deployment
On The Military Wife and Mom blog, author Lauren Tamm shared several quotes in support of military spouses. “Our love is greater than any deployment,” reads one quote. Another, “Only the strongest women can survive missing half her heart.”
Deployment is hard. Spouses and children miss their loved one. Schedules are disrupted. Routines are broken. Daily stresses are doubled. Worries rise—and it can feel as if no one understands your situation.
It’s important to recognize the emotional and physical toll that deployment can have on you and your family.
As a spouse or partner, you are likely worried about your loved one, in addition to dealing with the stresses of single parenting. That stress can lead to symptoms that include:
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Extreme hunger or lack of appetite
- Headaches
- Stomach issues
- Irritability
- Difficulty sleeping
- Overly emotional or emotional numbing
- Feeling sad, depressed or withdrawn
A child whose parent is deployed might display their emotions and stress differently, and this can vary by age:
- Infants and young children might become fearful or upset and react poorly to changes in their routine.
- Toddlers may pout, throw temper tantrums or have trouble sleeping.
- Preschoolers can regress with activities like potty training or thumb sucking and may become clingy, aggressive or show signs of separation anxiety.
- School-aged children might have issues with their grades and become moody
- Teens can become angry, moody or withdrawn.
While some military families facing deployment double down on existing schedules and routines, placing their focus on what they can control, others might find they are too distracted to address the daily norm. If you find yourself or your children experiencing any of the signs above, it can be helpful to consider coping strategies or to seek support.
How to cope
Recognizing the signs of stress related to deployment can help you to determine how to manage it. Different methods work for different people, but it’s good to have the tools and resources available when you might need them.
Here are our suggestions for how to cope with deployment:
- Stay healthy. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that the best way to help others is to help yourself. You can’t care for your family if you’re not taking time to stay healthy. Be sure to get enough sleep and exercise. Activities like running or boxing are a great way to relieve stress and amp up your energy. Additionally, take the time to eat healthy meals, and avoid drinking excessively or using drugs.
- Lean on your support system. It might seem as if no one understands your situation, but it’s important to talk to family and friends about how you are feeling—especially other military spouses. Let friends and family help where they can. Share your stress with other military spouses or in military support groups who can empathize with how you are feeling.
- Turn off the news. Whether it’s the TV, social media or email, now is a good time to cut back your media consumption. It’s natural to worry about your loved one. Those feelings can be amplified by images, stories and speculation of situations abroad. Focus on what’s in front of you and what you can control.
- Do something you love. Dive into your hobbies. Set time aside for activities that make you happy—gardening, biking, painting, playing an instrument, and participating in local sports. Or, try something different and focus your energy on learning a new skill by joining a club, signing up for a class or volunteering your time in your community.
- Seek professional help. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, feelings of sadness, depression and anxiety won’t go away. This does not mean that you are broken or weak, it simply means you might benefit from professional guidance. If you have been feeling sad and withdrawn for more than four weeks, it is probably time to reach out for help. Almost every military post offers some type of family services and support, and military families who are on active duty for 30 or more days can receive medical and mental care through TriCare.
Your children can benefit from specific coping methods, too. Here are suggestions to help your kids work through the emotional challenges of deployment:
- Maintain a routine. It can be difficult with one less parent in the house, but working to stick to routines and schedules will help kids deal with the change of a parent on deployment.
- Provide activities that can help them express emotions. Steer your children toward creative activities such as art, writing, music and dance where they are encouraged to share how they feel. Allow your kids the space to laugh and to cry.
- Encourage physical activity. Participating in sports, health and wellness activities and outdoor recreation can help children release stress.
- Practice relaxation techniques. Work with your children on breathing exercises, meditation and muscle relaxation to create a sense of calm and help them to lower stress.
- Provide positive affirmation. Combat negative thoughts with positive talk. Your child might be overly emotional, less confident and down on themselves. Your positive words will challenge negativity and build self-esteem.
Take advantage of the support and resources available to you. It can help you through the challenging days of deployment.
Ways to stay connected
During deployment, you can create some new memories and traditions as well. Get creative, and plan ways to enjoy special moments with your whole family while your spouse or partner is abroad. Here are some activities to get you started:
- Read together.
- Stream a movie or show at the same time and have a watch party.
- Play digital games together.
- Create a slideshow of recent memories together.
- Plan your next activity or vacation.
- Learn some new traditions, food, culture or language from the place where your loved one is stationed.
These ideas can help you stay connected, no matter how many miles are between you.
Many members of our IHG® Army Hotel team are former military and military family members. We understand the challenges that come with travel and deployment. Our team is thankful for your service and sacrifice.